The Survivor Archives Project

BIO

I was sexually assaulted by a youth group leader when I was two weeks shy of my twelve birthday.  Years later at the age of 19 I was sexually assaulted by a man I met in an online chat room.  This was before it was a publicized issue that there were predators online so I thought that it would be perfectly safe to meet him and hang out since we happened to live in the same city.  When I went to press charges it ended up being my word against his and my case, like so many others, never made it to trial.

The youth group leader who assaulted me when I was almost 12 told me that I had a beautiful smile.  That was something I could never get out of my head.  I stopped taking care of myself, especially my teeth.  As a result at the age of 25 I had to have 27 teeth removed, replacing them with complete upper and partial bottom dentures.  I struggled with abusive relationships, anxiety and panic attacks, low self esteem, self-mutilation, and anorexia nervosa.  

I went to four sessions of counseling when I was 14 years old but decided that it wasn't for me at the time because I wasn’t ready to deal with the issues that stemmed from the sexual assault.  The anxiety attacks eventually became unbearable and I finally sought help in 2006.  I was in therapy for 2 to 2 1/2 years and it took a lot of work for me to recover.

Contact Info:

Email Address:  flutteringdesigns@gmail.com

Home Page:  http://www.flutteringdesigns.ca

Q & A

1.  What is your favorite coping skill?

 My favorite coping skill is basic creativity.  Whether it be writing, listening to music, creating jewelry or creating videos, it’s what helps and what I enjoy the most.

2.  What was the best piece of healing advice you ever received?

 It was indirect advice I saw in the documentary, "Searching for Angela Shelton".  Angela Shelton's older brother, an incest survivor, stated, "Bad things may have happened to you, but it's your decision how the rest of the story goes.  It really resonated with me and empowered me to regain control of my life and reshape it into what I wanted it to be.

3.  What was the worst piece of healing advice you ever received?

 "Just let it go and get over it already".  It was as if this person thought I enjoyed constant panic attacks and being in continual crisis.

4.  What were the three hardest obstacles to overcome?

1.   Anxiety

2.   Self-esteem issues

3.   Self abuse

5.  Have you ever hit "rock bottom"? What kept you going?

 Yes, more than once.  My support system kept me going - family and friends.

6.  What does forgiveness mean to you?

 I know I've forgiven when I can talk about the situation and not feel intense emotion or rage toward the other person or myself.

7.  When did you know that everything was going to be okay -- that you were going to make it?

There were times that, in hindsight, I feel now lucky to be alive.  There was never a light bulb moment.  It was very much a process.

8.  Is there anything that you would like to say to someone just beginning their journey?

 It’s a hard, tough journey but if you're kind to yourself and understand that these feelings are only temporary you will prevail.  And I love you.

9.  If there was one piece of advice you would give, or one thing you would want the significant other, best friend, etc. of a survivor to keep in mind throughout the survivors healing process, what would that be?

 I think that a lot of times you get really frustrated and impatient with people who are healing. You can help but it’s up to your loved one to do the work to get better.  You unfortunately can't heal them yourself. Be kind and patient toward your loved one and yourself.  Above all else, do not blame yourself.

ART



“Fluttering Designs” jewelry combines structure and design with magic and whimsy.  I use a combination of sacred gemstones and crystals, glass, seed beads, and other materials to create one-of-a-kind necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.  Inspired by the amazing Angela Shelton's Army of Angels, a portion of each sale will be donated to the Angela Shelton Foundation.  The purpose of the Angela Shelton Foundation is to inspire and empower all survivors of abuse to heal and lead joyful lives.

Namaste NecklaceSilver Angel Earrings

Silver Heart and Garnet Chip Necklace

Fire Heart Necklace

Calming Shores Necklace

LETTER

To the Army of Angels:

You are the most supportive and inspirational group of people I have ever had the honor of knowing. My life is so much richer because you're all in it! I cannot wait to meet you all in October!!! I LOVE YOU *SQUISH* 

To all of my friends and family:

Your love, your support, your encouragement, your inspiration, your help when I needed it the most...I love love love love you so much and I AM SO BLESSED to have such amazing, loving and supportive friends and family. Words cannot express how much you all mean to me.

To Angela Shelton:

Thank you for showing me the path. Thank you for reminding me of my voice and for setting the perfect example of how to use it for good. You are a Goddess, an Angel, a MASSIVE inspiration to SO many survivors around the globe and I am blessed and honored to call you a friend. Thank you.