Internet Dangers: Two Girls Tell Their Stories...
Friday, November 17, 2006 at 5:14PM ONLINE Safety
Extra Special Thanks to Katherine Pratt for the Information Below
Hear the true story of a 15-year-old girl who left home to meet in person with a man she first "met" online. Read "Amy's Story" — the story from her mother's perspective below.
Amy's Choice: Click Here to View Amy's Story in Her Own Words
AMY'S STORY
from her mother's perspective
by Anne Collier
Fifteen-year-old Amy had been hounding her mother to sign up for internet service at home. �I kind of had a fear of it,� said her mother Sara."Id come home with newspaper articles I'd read about kids being lured by adults they'd met online." But Amy was already using the internet at the public library and school anyway. "She set up her own...account [with a password and free e-mail]."
Sara found out that Amy had been sharing many personal conversations with Bill, whom she had "met" in an online chat room. They discussed her desire to live her life differently. Bill was "sympathetic" to Amy's dreams and desires. By getting to know and sympathizing with her concerns or fears, Bill was able to break down her inhibitions.
When Amy didn't come home one night, Sara knew something was wrong. So she began a search of Amy's room. "I found a note [Amy] wrote saying she was 98 percent sure she was going to do this [trip]. The note said she'd be getting on a bus." At this same time, Amy was at the bus station on the telephone with Bill. He was saying, "You can't go home now, because I'll get caught." Amy felt compelled to keep him from getting apprehended.
Sara said, 'I went to my local police station and tried to get them to go and get her. At that point they really didn't want to do anything. They were thinking she had run away. [We had] the [man's] real name and address...though at that time I wasn't sure it was the real name. I couldn't get anyone to go and see if this was a legitimate address. I found out that in our state runaways don't have to return home if they don't want to.'
Sara called the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC). Sara said it was that call that got the police to check out the address on the ticket and find out whether "...this person actually existed."
A detective had called to say the man's address was a computer dating service. "It turned out this is where that man worked, and he lived upstairs", Sara said. The police said they'd watch the location.
About midnight an officer called in and said, "A taxi just pulled up, a guy and a girl got out of it, we think it's them." He said, "We need to find out [from Amy] if she wants to stay. In order to get her [without her consent], we'd have to get a court order showing the reason why we wanted her out." Sara had to talk to Amy on the telephone and promise not to press charges before Amy would agree to go home.
"We had a 36-hour bus ride back [home].... At first she was really upset. She definitely wanted to be with this man. He'd been telling her, "I'm in love with you, you're the only one I've ever done this with, you just have to come with me and when I put you up i's going to be great." We learned a lot. I learned a lot. I thought I knew a lot about my child."
But something told Sara the ordeal wasn't over. She said, "Three weeks later this man came to our home. [Amy] slipped out...with him. He had continued to contact her, and it wasn't until this meeting that the man assaulted [Amy], in a motel in our own town."
NCMEC contacted the police department who sent a detective to intercept Amy and Bill before they boarded a bus. It wasn't until police approached them in the bus station that Bill told Amy she was not the first girl he'd contacted on the internet and lured into meeting him in person. This was the turning point for Amy, what she'd needed to hear. Not until then could she tell her mother, "I can't believe I got suckered into this." Bill was convicted and sentenced to a year-and-a-day term in federal prison. Bill was released in April 2001 to the United States Probation Office where he was placed on probation for three years. Sara told us they still get calls with no one at the other end of the line.
We asked Marsha Gilmer-Tullis, who is the NCMEC family services advocate and familiar with Amy's case, why she thought Amy succumbed to this predator "the death of a close step-grandfather, feeling sorry for Bill, adventure-seeking, fears about the new millennium" Marsha said, "All of the above. There are lots of issues, usually. Being a teenager is a very difficult time, and there are issues and concerns that teens are struggling with. It's often so much easier to get online, where you're anonymous and the other person is anonymous, and talk. You're feeling dejected and unattractive, and someone's telling you how wonderful and beautiful you are. They're a teen and immature, and the adult knows that and takes advantage of it."
It's still difficult for Sara to tell this story. She's doing so, "To keep other families from going through what we went through. [Amy]'s feeling is the same as ours. She wants to help other kids. [Predators] catch [teenagers] at their weakest moment, and they prey on that."
We asked Sara what advice she�d give other parents of online kids. "Know who your kids are with. I would say, watch them when they're online, but you can't always do that. Don't give out any addresses, don't agree to meet anyone, don't believe everything you hear and see - they may be telling you that they're 15, 14, or 12, but they're actually probably 30, 40, or 50 years old.... Don't think that they can't come to your house, because they can! Listen to your feelings. Make sure you know where else your child might be using a computer; at a friend's house, library, or school."
UPDATE: In December 2004, Bill was arrested again and sentenced to ten years in federal prison for kidnapping a 15-year-old girl he met on the internet.
http://www.netsmartz.org/resources/reallife.htm
THE TRUE STORY OF MY INTERNET PREDATOR
by Katherine Pratt, Internet Safety Educator
Once upon a time, I had a great group of friends. They made me laugh, and made me feel loved and accepted. I was 16 and in my Junior year of high school.
Unfortunately in other parts of my life, I was very unhappy. I never talked to my friends about it, because I wanted to enjoy the time I spent with them, not spend it wallowing in self pity.
During the summer I couldn't hang out with them much, and life at home was very stressful. Going through puberty is tough enough, but I found a way to cope, THE INTERNET. (DUN DUN DUN) *thats supposed to be doomy music.
On a local chat room, from a friends computer, I met someone I shouldn't have. This person never revealed his age although he knew mine. He focused on me so devotedly that I was extremely flattered. No one taught me to be cautious.
I feel very stupid, because this person was poisoning me against my family, and using flattery and very convincing reasoning to draw me away from them. I hate to admit it, but I was completely fooled. He made me feel so smart and pretty, and he was such a smooth talker.
He never revealed his age until he was sure I was not going to run. He tricked me into falling for him before we ever met, and he was good at it because he had so much more experience than me.
I started meeting with him in secret. We could only meet at night, so I would sneak out and most of the time, not come back until morning.
I was suffering from some pretty serious sleep deprivation on a daily basis, and my home life was extremely stressful on top of it. I fought with my parents and siblings all the time. My grades were suffering. I even started thinking my dreams actually happened. I was one seriously confused and messed up kid.
When I decided to run away with him I had just had a major blow to my self esteem. As trite as it may seem, I didnt get the lead in the school play, and that wouldnt have set me over the edge if the girl that did get it wasnt the same girl that got every damn lead, in every damn play. When I heard she got the lead it was official that the world was completely unfair.
Teenagers... Now of course that seems completely unimportant.
So in a sleep deprived moment I made a fateful move that was so drastic I couldnt take it back. I ran away from home with the man I met on the internet, who was 49 years old. There would be no returning to high school with after that. So I pretended it was a good choice, and I had myself convinced for 3 years.
my friends...
I couldnt imagine facing any of you again after what I did. I was in so deep that I was convinced you would all hate me, or pity me, or think I was messed up. You would have been right of course.
I actually convinced myself that I was happy, and I was better with him. When reality hit that he was insane and a mind washing child molester, the shame only got worse.
When I left him he turned on my family, confronting them in public places and telling them outrageous lies about me. He had half the people at my workplace convinced that I had died of a brain tumor. He stalked me, showing up inside my car in the dark, and left long horrible suicide messages on my answering machine. He sent anonymous emails to my mother, pretending to be someone else, and threatening to kill me.
I eventually left the state to get away from him, staying away for years just to avoid him. He continued to torment my family in my absence, and I brought it on them.
Over the last 6 years I have started to find myself and what is important in life. I am very lucky that something really horrible didnt happen. I have a beautiful family, and I am currently working for a company that teaches women safety and awareness to keep from becoming a victim. I am the president and moderator of the internet division of that company. I teach women how to be safe on the internet, not give out personal information, not meet someone in person they met online alone, that kind of thing.
I want to apologize to all the people I hurt, or scared when I went away. Some of them I know will never forgive me. I wish I could take back what I did. Maybe, just maybe I can keep some young person from making the same mistake.
I want to send this message and help people understand. I was a smart kid, I was just young! PLEASE never meet anyone you first met online alone. DO NOT keep internet friendships to yourself, even if you just share the details with a friend, it could protect you, or even save your life.
I threw away 3 years of my life. I put my family through tons of heartache. and you know what, It could have been a lot lot worse.
One of the Lucky ones,
Reader Comments (3)
1. Young girls (12 – 14 years old) want to present him as 18 – 19 years old. Seems it is no need to explain why.
2. Particularly the same is with young boys.
If in the chat rooms for teen are only teens I am sure it is no problem when they are trying to change the age. Seems the teens can clear the problem later and with out any problems. The situation will be looks as joke.
From my point of view the question of chat and talk room safety is the question about Valuables of society.
As example, when in the society we have pedophiles we need to act and to teach people to have care about children and to put this care in the list of Valuables of society.
To teach a society is possible only in other society and we are going to open such type of society as Free and Open Talk and Chat members List.
http://www.pleven.net/Chat-Room/
We will be happy to have your suggestions, comments, questions.